So, I made a profile on Plenty of Fish recently. I've been on the site before, once when I lived in a different city, and again when I moved back home. I've noticed that people on this site in my hometown are much more homely and desperate than the people dating online in the other city. I wonder why that is?
I don't want to toot my own horn, but I think I'm a reasonably attractive girl. While I'm not the most athletic person, I'm not fat either, I don't have acne or deformities or anything, and I know how to dress well. Besides that, I can hold a decent conversation, and I think I'm pretty entertaining to be around. I'm a catch! I have a healthy enough self esteem to feel like I can be picky, and don't need to settle on someone I'd consider less than desirable. I'm only on this website because I don't really meet too many people other than in bars, and those people are generally there to get wasted and bang strangers, and that's just not my thing.
That being said, I have some qualms with this site and the people on it, and there are some habits I keep noticing that I take issue with. For starters, the dishonesty. In your profile, it asks for your body type. Why put "average" when you're quite overweight? Put "a few extra pounds" if that represents your body type more accurately. And why post old photos of you before you gained that weight or lost your hair? The people you're trying to entice are going to meet you in person anyways, they're going to find out you're bald and fat eventually, so what's the point in wasting your time and theirs? You're far more likely to find someone who will like you for you if you're honest about yourself from the start. These people are almost always the type to call you shallow if you call them out on this once you find out what they really look like. "Don't judge a book by its cover" they say... even when it becomes apparent that they didn't read my profile, in which case, if they messaged me based on my pictures, who are they to call anyone shallow??
(Sidenote: always make a habit of adding someone to Facebook before meeting them in person, that way you can see pics people have tagged them in, which is more accurate because they're recent and not just the most flattering ones.)
That brings me to my next complaint: Not reading my profile before messaging me! I put a lot of effort into writing a profile that reflects my personality, and explains who I am, what I'm looking for, and the type of person I look for, but I consistently get messages saying little or nothing more than "hey, what's up?" from people I clearly wouldn't want to hear from, such as guys just looking to score, guys not looking for commitment, guys who never want children, or chubby guys. I even mention in my profile that I'm into skinny guys, but i'll still get fat guys or body builders anyways.
Some people actually do read the profile but ignore the parts that would tell them I wouldn't be interested in them. I know this because in their message, they'll reference something they read in the profile, and might even mention "i know you said you like skinny guys, but" or "i'm only in town for the weekend, but". Why waste my time? Are you so egotistical that you think you'll be the exception? That your personality and wit are so amazing that I'll fall for you despite never wanting to see you naked? How would that even work? I mean really, I know *I'm* not going to be everyone's cup of tea, so when I'm reading a profile and they say they like extremely active girls, or they are ridiculously outdoorsy, I don't message them! Because I know I'm not their type! Why can't other people do this?
The repeat messagers. If I don't want to talk to or meet with a person, I don't reply to their messages. I don't know them, I don't owe them an explanation, plus why would I want to spend my time on this site putting effort into how I reject people? That's not what I'm on the site for! Unfortunately most of these people can't take a hint. Usually after the 4th time they've copied and pasted the same line to me, I'll tell him sorry, not into you, and they almost always get angry. Oooh, I'm sorry you went through all that effort of hitting Ctrl+V and I couldn't be bothered to write a sonnet about how terribly awful it is for me to not be able to see past your man boobs and pedo stache to dig deep - real deep - and find some sort of redeeming quality that would allow me to do you in your mother's basement. Get real.
Where oh where is my 6'3" lean but toned genius hunk, with the biting sarcastic humor, who mocks everything along side of me but reserves his sweet and affectionate side for me? Probably not on a dating site. haha
I found him on the cable TV personals 18 years ago. And we're still married. :)
ReplyDeleteYou just described my husband to a tee. That said, the reason I leave this comment is to tell you it does work. I mean heck. I found my husband on the first go round, without pictures [cable TV didn't allow them] Neither one of lied [so I understand your frustration there] and we didn't have to kiss any toads to find eachother. I know my sister in law [ex] found a lot of guys to be insane, they were so dishonest. I get the frustration.
Maybe it was a different time - but I really, wholeheartedly agree in internet [or in my case cable TV] dating.
Hang in there. You'll find him. :)